At the end of the month, combing through the referring search engine keyword phrases in my Awstats logs almost always leaves me stunned or laughing (or a combination of the two).
Throughout January, an abnormally high percentage of my visitors were wayward searchers. As such, a few of the phrases are just so completely random and bizarre, I had to share them. I hope this post doesn’t seem too snarky or mean-spirited; it is all in good fun. (Helpful hint: if you want to dramatically increase traffic to your site, all you have to do is casually mention a popular celebrity’s name or write a post about NTFS-formatted iPods.)
If you haven’t checked your own logs in awhile, I encourage you to do so. We can all use a good laugh during these gloomy winter months.
- rachael ray nude
I guess someone else shares my opinion that Rachael Ray is hot. I just don’t think she’s that kind of girl. - brad pitt workout schedule
Let’s see, at 7 AM, he wakes up and heads outside for a run… - brad pitt 15 inch biceps
Okay….I didn’t include the rest of the Brad-related searches, but I think there were close to a dozen. Mr. Pitt no here. - photos of rachael ray in maxim
Her again. I think I missed that issue. - flash bulbs sheer
This one has come up every month this blog has been in existence. No paparazzi pics here. - mike in turkey
…but not Mike in New Jersey - does the bowflex body leanness program work?
This one wasn’t funny, but I feel the need to answer it whenever I can—Hell, yes! - bursting jeans muscle
Mr. McGee, don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. - nude boys with no pubic hair pics
If you come across my blog via a similar query, please, I beg you—go back to your search engine and type in “professional counseling for sex offenders.” - beards itch
They sure do. - extreme musclar women completely nude
Are you sure you want to see that? - eyeball burst
Dude…I hope this didn’t happen to you. - take shirt off lost weight
Not yet. I still have a slight gut. - intralase sucks
Agreed. But at least it’s better than a metal blade. - i can’t wait for weekend video michael gray photocopier
Who is Michael Gray? - pink slimy bathroom
Another New Jersey resident! Welcome. - speed recipe sudafed
Hmm, so Sudafed can be an ingredient in homemade methamphetamines. I did not know that. - pics of guys with bulges in their jeans
Although I look slightly better in a pair of jeans than I did before my diet, I’m still not quite ready to post those kinds of pics of myself on my blog. Maybe in a few months or so… - my wife beach photos pictures optional
I didn’t know she was your wife, honest. - rachael ray maxim
I was making a joke before, but I guess I did miss that issue. - photos of war torn sarajevo
Again, not a funny one, but more of those are coming. I promise. - compare the size of your penis to others
No such comparison here, but you know what they say about guys with large pupils. - rachael ray’s panties
Sheesh! You have got to be kidding me! ROTFL! - you might have a $3000 computer but your penis is still small
Actually, my computer cost $781, thank you. - how to tell if a woman is interested
Trust me. I have been trying to figure that one out for years, and I have all but given up hope. Just once, I would love to be told straight out. - rachael ray nsfw
I am telling you; she is not that kind of woman. - the bowflex grandmother nude pics
Um, no GILFs here. WTF? - sniper war stories
I remember when we were in Bosnia, some members of my unit were completely convinced that the urban legend about singer-songwriter John Denver secretly being a Vietnam War green beret sniper was true. We had free long distance access, so a few bored members of our night shift somehow found the number of his publicist and called to verify the veracity of the story. - at the end of the universe is the beginning of vengeance
Okay…I suppose I will close with that random profundity.
Aren’t search requests funny sometimes? Lately I’ve been getting VERY specific requests for someone looking for sex blogs in the specific city I used to live in. I’m starting to think I should make one up just so they find what they’re looking for ;)
Google searches are great. Today I got a hit from “importance of ingrediants” WTF is that?
—Jon Langdon http://jonlangdon.blogspot.com
I’d be afraid to see what people searched for to get to my site! And, incidentally, I totally think you need to post those “take off shirt” photos. :)
The specificity of some of these requests blows me away.
For some of these, especially the repeat ones, I am tempted to write a post or two to provide them with the information or imagery they are looking for (except for the really sick ones).
—
On the contrary, the lack of specificity also blows me away. Like Jon’s searcher—the importance of what ingredients? People really do sometimes use search engines in a seemingly counterintuitive manner.
Those photos will come…eventually. I already have the “before” photos hidden away on my Mac. My next big fitness goal is a washboard stomach; that will probably involve harder work than losing sixty pounds did.
Once I achieve that, though, I will post my before and after shots (just like the Bowflex commercials).
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GILFs? OMG, what’s the world coming to?
Damn, I’ve probably typed in most of those Rachel Ray search queries (I’m mostly kidding :p …well, mostly). I’m sure she isn’t that sort of woman but you never know what some people will come up with (or at least manage to photoshop). I may try the “Rachel Ray’s panties” one on eBay…
She is hot as hell though (IMO) and her show is fun to watch…