Thank God this week is over and done with, never to be seen again. Productivity was nil; I could probably have taken the entire week off and been no further behind with my projects. My depression level was high all week, although, I doubt anyone around me was able to notice; sometimes my ability to hide certain negative emotions is Vulcanlike. Whether I’m being cheerfully dorky or compassionately helpful, I rarely betray the true feelings that gnaw at my insides—wouldn’t want to display any signs of weakness.
For a month, I had been looking forward to plans I had for this weekend. They fell apart. Again, best laid plans…
The post-op state of my eyes has been a constant distraction, and it will probably continue to be for a few weeks. As my eyes get used to their new corneas, my vision drifts between crystal clarity and frustrating blurriness. Also, I decided to endure the lights of my workplace, rather than wear the silly sunglasses all day; the resulting headaches weren’t too bad, but it made concentrating on my work even more difficult.
Every evening, lately, when I get home, all I want to do is sleep. Even prime time television holds little sway; the important stuff gets Tivo’d anyway. At least when I’m asleep, I can usually leave the lonely emptiness behind; that is until cold reality disturbs my peaceful slumber at 3 AM and I remain awake the rest of the night.
Currently, the only person I really have in my life to share these feelings with is my mother. She keeps suggesting that maybe this is a sign that I should finally get out of New Jersey. One glimmer of possibility in that regard—a friend of my family works for the Defense Department down in DC and says that with my qualifications, he could “get me in.” I’m never quite sure exactly what that means when people say that or the actual likelihood of their ability to “get someone in.” Still though, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to send him an e-mail to find out more…
I do so love DC! I’m sorry things are not going as well as they could be for you and perhaps a change of place would be good? Regardless, be sure to take care of yourself and get some fresh air and sunshine as the weather permits - it’s good for you!
DC is a fantastic city - so much to do it would be hard to stay bored there. I once moved out of state, not because I was lonely, but because I was overwhelmed with the amount of people who constantly needed something from me, and it was the best thing I did. Granted, we had very different reasons for moving, but it might be great for you as well. Good luck with that decision :)
Thank you, Jenniy and Denise. DC looks more and more promising every day. Although, there are so many commitments that I would need to wrap up here, first. I couldn’t imagine making such a move until the summer.