Wednesday night all of the negative emotions that I have kept bottled up inside for so long came rushing out. For the past week and a half, I have been over-compensating a bit; trying to force myself to be cheerful, wrapping myself up in my work, trying to ignore the things that are eating away at my soul. Hell, I even drew a fifteen-foot diameter smiley face in the virgin snow covering the plaza in front of my workplace (it did look kind of cool, but melted two days later).
I am thankful that I have a mother, whom I can call at any time of night and pour my heart out to, and receive understanding encouragement sans judgment in return. Still, though, it would be nicer to get that support from someone close by, whom I could hold as she held me, but for now that scenario remains an elusive fantasy.
I have decided that I need to make drastic changes to my life. I may have set certain things in motion Thursday morning, and if that doesn’t pan out, I will actively seek out another solution. Some changes can be extremely frightening…
Nearly all changes, no matter how well they turn out, are frightening upon first contemplation. Some are scary no matter WHEN you look at them. I can’t offer the other fringe benefits you’re looking for (LOL), but I am a good listener and will not offer advice unless asked to do so - feel free to email.
Thanks, Denise, I may take you up on that offer. For now, though, I need to get caught up on some stuff (taxes for one, and some other activities related to last Thursday that I cannot talk about here).
Change is a part of life, I guess. One thing I realized Friday evening is that certain parts of my life will soon change whether I take action or not, as those closest to me move on with their own lives. The question now before me is whether I passively let the waves of change push me around to and fro; do I get up on my board and ride these waves; or do I fight against the current?
When I was proactive about my weight problem, I was able to get myself down to a healthy 180 pounds. Now I think its time to be proactive again about other facets of my life.
For me, I’m a big proponent of the proactive change because I’ve seen its power in my own life. It can be scary but exhilarating at the same time3.